| | We had always been 'friends'. I knew her. She knew me. We talked, laughed, shared common interest. But it was never more. But then, then we clicked. It didn't take much but we became closer than ever. Millions of notes, texting, talking, sharing. It felt good to know that she called me a best friend. But then, I'm not sure why or how, everything stopped. I remember the last day we ever had a real conversation. Don't get me wrong, I noticed the signs. But then I looked stupid trying to pretend nothing was wrong. Just in case I was wrong. But I wasn't. And she didn't even care enough to say "I don't care." She ignored me. Don't get me wrong, I blame myself. I am so uninviting, I can't keep a conversation going, let alone start one. And she met someone else, someone who was all the things I lack. Of course they would become permanent friends. Even better than we ever were. Of course she'd start planning with her all the things we'd planned, and apparently, will never go through with. I don't blame her, I blame myself.
Have you ever had a friend like that? I'm not saying she should be friends with me and only me, but did she have to replace me? Ignore me? Move on and leave me hanging? Why can't I be what I feel I am or was. Why is myself hiding? Why am I afraid?
I feel so stupid for crying. For complaining. For thinking. I just, I need to let someone know.
It seems like this happens all the time. Once I feel I'm close to someone, another person walks in and bumps me back. I just want one friend, that's all I'm asking for. Who will listen, love, and care. Who can balance and forgive and just, accept my shyness.
Every second I get shy-er. For this, I can't blame myself fully. I blame the world for not letting me speak. For cutting me off, for making me feel like my words aren't important enough.
Just listen.
Btw; this has happened more than once.
Things have been better, I'm just paranoid.
|
| | Posted 4/17/2008 10:14 PM - 143 Views - 6 eProps - 4 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
